Sometimes the unexpected should be the most expected. Life is never kind. ~ Copper D.W.
I remember sitting in the grass, you across from me and the ants running across my legs. I wiped them off, they tickled my skin and raised my unshaven hairs. I wanted to talk to him, about a letter I wrote to him, several days ago, a letter which I then learned he didn’t read.
I was not mad.
I am not mad.
We hung out again later that week having you, read the letter and we talked. We talked for hours. I was waiting for you to bring up the letter. I wanted you to bring up the letter, I really did. You didn’t.
Something’s different today. You’re acting different. You have the that ‘somethings bothering me’ face on and you’re unable to hide your dismay.
I’m not an idiot. I know you.
I know somethings wrong.
On the bus.
On the bus, I hear your name. I heard your name.
Someone with your name is dating someone, who is younger. Nothing’s wrong with dating younger people, we are only in high school, I have nothing against that. I pray it’s not true, for I know, you know, how I feel. Yet when I ask is everything is alright and you bring up opinions of personas and age gaps I know that what I heard is true.
It is true.
It is quite funny in a sense that you assume I don’t know these kinds of things.
I respond with an ‘I think I understand’ and you with ‘I doubt so’.
Really it’s quite humorous, in a sad sort of way. Either way, I know what is happening, and after knowingly giving advice that sometimes you need to do what’s best for you, I know that you have not chosen me.
I accept the fact that I am not chosen, and your better happiness concerns me more than my own. I will live, no need help be sorry, I know who you are and what you are made of. I respect you, as a man and as a person and if that is how you would like it, then that is how it will be.
I am not afraid of my emotions, nor my past or current life. I slowed down hoping you would match my pace, and though for a moment I thought you anticipated the change in beat, you faltered, but I am not mad at you for it. I understand life has its trials and tribulations and life doesn’t always go my way. if that is truly what you want then go for it, I am not one to stand in someone way to achieve their dreams.
Am I upset?
Of course, but I will not let my emotions fog your opinions on what you wish to do with your life. You will forever be my friend, and that was all I really wanted. Yes I am upset, for I too am a person with emotions, that seem to soak in them as if I were a sponge, but I accept who you are, and I accept that the decisions you make are yours and yours alone.
I wish you luck for your future. You are in charge of your own life, and like I’ve told you and our fellow friends countless times before; sometimes you need to do what’s best for you and deal with the consequences. It is your life, these are your decisions, I will not stand in your way to achieve what you desire.
I was not mad.
I am not mad.
I am me.