Growing, Accepting

There comes a time when you have had enough and the shell you used to protect yourself falls away. In turn, you feel lighter, happier and free.
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This year has been a pretty upbeat and busy year, with many ups and downs both emotionally, mentally and physically. In life, it seems that everything happens all at once or nothing happens at all. It is a pretty interesting topic, but that is not what I’ll be writing about today. There comes a time when you feel hurt, beaten down, downtrodden and you feel as if you are confined to a cage that does not enable you to even stretch yourself out. his period in your life (or periods, for there are many) seems like a lonely bottomless pit. Some of us decide to dwell in the darkness, to swim around in circles, only to relive the tragedy in their mind, only to fall further and further. In turn, there are some of us that want to move on, we want to move forward, we want to be free from the chains that bind us to this person or situation, yet we still seem to be treading the water in the darkness. It is hard, I admit this myself, to move forward, for sometimes you have been deeply wounded, emotionally, mentally or physically. But rest assured the light is on its way.

I once read this amazing quote (see above) by Sandra Kring being “The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, struggle to reach the light” and this is very true. I was once told that ‘challenges either make or break you,’ and though I don’t necessarily like the wording of this  message, the way I interpret it, may be more beneficial than the hardcore black and white; you do or you don’t. I see this message as challenges, well they’re called challenges for a reason, if they were easy then they would be called, well they’d called easy. Challenges help us grow as people. I find that we generally need time to really understand, feel, and contemplate what actually just happened and it is then afterwards that we are ready to move on. It is then and only then where we can accept what happened and move forward. I once remember being told that time heals all, but in reality time does not, acceptance does. I feel that challenges, challenge your perspective on life, they challenge your beliefs, your desires, your needs and they make you reconsider everything that you have known to be familiar. In turn it is not challenges make or break you, it is not you win or you lose, it is simply personal growth. Sometimes it takes a bit longer for people to accept and move on. Some as fast as couple of weeks to a month, others to years then decades. We, as humans are not on a race to be better faster, we are simply on our own journey, whatever that may be, to find the ultimate goal of happiness, and self fulfilment.

There is a very interesting science experiment done with plants where a seed when placed in a pot covered with soil, watered and left to grow will always grow to the top of the pot. You may be thinking yes of course why wouldn’t they, but let me continue. No matter what way the seed was put in (for there is a top of the seed where the plant grows out from) if the seed was upside down, sideways, growing on a pot that was flipped over or turned to the side, the seed would always grow towards the sky. So you may bethinking, well yes towards the sun, but keep in mind that these experiments were done in darkness. Do you know why the seeds consistently grew upwards? Gravity. Plants are aware of the earths natural pull and in turn they have developed with mother earth to grow their roots downwards, in turn growing their stems and leaves upwards. They all have a natural pull in complete darkness to do what is necessary to move forward.

In turn if the plant is to be grown in space (i.e. on a space aircraft) still having oxygen, water and soil, no light and this time no gravity, the plant will still grow but would be directionless, for it has no point of gravity to use as its compass. However if you brought the space plant down to earth, the gravity would then be present and the plant would then grow upwards.

My point to this is that sometimes you are not on the earth, it can feel as if you are lost in the darkness of a whole, or the abyss of space, but like the tiny seed, you can still grow, you can still live your life.

No matter how long it takes you to find your centre of gravity, you’ll still grow as a person, and sometimes growth is really all that matters.

Space is growth. Gravity  is acceptance.

Yours truly,

 

Sonja P.

(a.k.a. Copper D.W.)

 

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Words…

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I have a problem. With words. Saying things, with words.

As you probably do not know but now will, I am an INFJ. That stands for Introverted, iNtuition, Feeling and Judging and is considered the rarest type out of the 16 Myers Briggs type, being 1% of the entire population. (You can take the free Myers Briggs personality test by following the link attached at the end of the post). I am dedicating a variety of posts to fellow INFJ’s (found in category INFJ) but can just be as easily relatable to viewers who consider themselves as introverts, outgoing introverts, perfectionists, people with a hard time confiding in people and the list goes on. If your not an INFJ, please still feel welcome in reading the INFJ posts, they’re meant for everyone who is willing to read them.

Ok, so back to words. I have a problem with saying words, and I think this is true with a lot of people. At least for me, I could have played a conversation over and over in my head and when it was time to say it, I would say some thing stupid, awkward and at most times completely unrelated. Is that just me? Possibly. But I do know a lot of people have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.

I am very ‘gifted’ with a pen/keyboard (I put ‘gifted’ in brackets because I’m not actually gifted, but I like to consider myself as a good writer) and I can express everything in ways that could seem not possible to come out of my mouth. I write better than I speak. By a landslide. I can write the most insightful things to my friends on Facebook, give advice that could only really be considered as an old aged lady giving life experience advice though email and can create wonderful stories about fantasy with amazing adventures. But when I speak it’s kind of like: “Hey… you. That was fun, the thing, we did yesterday. Wait we didn’t do that yesterday? Was it the day before? Oh. I guess it could have been a dream…”

This is what I assume is true for a lot of people (well maybe not the dream part…). It is normally the quietest people who have the most creative minds, or can write with such intensity that it can leave you in tears after reading one of their written passages, but speak terribly, with not verbal literature at all. But this is ‘normally’. People who can be seen as loud-mouthed, verbal diarrhea and just filler spacers can also write just as beautifully. (I actually follow in this category. I’m an outgoing introvert… more on this later).

I find in the society we live in, it can be normally seen as the loudest will be the leader, land the most jobs and in general just do better. But why? To be quite honest I don’t have an exact answer for that, only speculations, still though I think a large part of this is confidence. A lot of loud mouths have confidence, more so then we do. That’s why they seem to get what they want, their confident, and people look up to confident people. It definitely doesn’t necessarily mean that they are more qualified for the job then you are, but they carry that confidence that we may lack.

Still I know it’s hard. Especially when you are just trying to have a normal conversation and are trying to express yourself in ways that only seem to be possible through pen and paper, when you are obviously just making a fool out of yourself, or am trying to make connections with other people who have no idea what your talking about. So I guess you could just from now on only communicate through emails, texts and short (or long) novels, but sad to say that is not the world we live in. We can try to practice speaking to people and it will only get better with time, but during that wait period, acceptance is key. Yes you may not be as verbally literate as your fellow friends or acquaintances. But you just have to remember that words, saying words can improve, and well writing words can only get better.

Be creative. Be you. Be Unique.

Sincerely

 

Sonja P.

In Broken Silence

In the Broken Silence. By: Sonja P. (a.k.a. Copper D.W.)

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It is in the broken silence of true reality where once muddy waters become clear and true judge of character becomes vivid in colours where it can no longer be ignored.

In broken silence, you find the people who are worth fighting for and the people necessary to let go.

It is in broken silence where you realize just how strong you really are.

Who am I?

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“Who am I?” That question is a pretty common one, especially in teenage years. We all have gone through, will go through and may even be going through it right now. We all have some kinds of questions from little to big that we want answered and we want to know. From being adopted and wondering why did our parents leave us in the first place to why am I not as smart as my friends? We all just want to know. Indeed, we all just want to fit in.

The reason why I titled this post ‘The Tip of the Iceberg: Who am I?’ is because we all want to know who we are and where we fit into the world. That is part of our identity crisis. I know people, even old friends that have tried to find themselves, discover who they are, while trying to fit in, to be one of many. Truth is, is that being yourself and trying to fit in at the same time poses challenges. Many challenges.

I really like the iceberg model, because generally on the surface all icebergs look similar. Being white, ice and they float. On the surface, there is little depth to them. They are all the same. But are they? Of course, you’ll be saying “no” as a teacher would be as a kindergarten class silently waits for the obvious answer to a question, but it’s true. Beneath the surface there is depth. Lot’s of depth. There is a secret world, a secret garden that only few can and have explored. People are no different. When we want to fit in, we make ourselves similar or the same to what we think we should be. What society thinks we should be. But even if we looked the same, talked the same, be the same, we can’t. We have all had experiences that are unique to ourselves, and by only developing the surface so much is lost and forgotten beneath.

There is so much more going on than we let on. Some people you could ask how they are doing, and they would grin and say fine (though their day was awful) while others would start bawling about how awful their day ways. Sometimes we do both, there is no right or wrong way to do it. The point of this excerpt is to explain the complexity of people. We are complex. We are people. No two people are the same (unless they’re like twins or something) but even so, no two people are exactly the same. We all have experienced life differently and in ways that are sometimes not comprehensible by others.

We are unique. So does it make sense that we all want to be like everyone else when we are all so unique? In a way yes, it does because that is something subconsciously programmed into us from a young age, but no as well. We all want to fit in, but we all want to be different, and that is, I think the best way to get by. Because you need to stay true to yourself too, you’re under the surface iceberg self, but you need to discover yourself at your own pace. So yes, if fitting in makes you comfortable now, then good I’m happy for you. But try to remember that you can be who you are and be unique and fit in, you just need to find the right balance, because in the end, it is you who answers the question ‘Who am I?’, just try not to lose yourself in the process. And try to remember that it is a who am ‘I’ question and not who are ‘we’.

Be who you are and nothing less.

Sincerely

Sonja P.

Loving but Not Wanting To

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When rain falls I am happy. It’s mother nature giving her children a drink of life. When the earth cracks I am sad. For mother nature is depriving children from their growth.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve wanted something so badly but when you finally got it, you didn’t want it anymore? Well, that is me when it comes to love.

Ever since I was a young a child I had and still have trust issues. All I ever wanted was to be loved, and though it was evident that my family loved me I wanted a different kind of love. The only problem whenever I did start to fall for someone I, immediately withdrew myself from the situation. I feel like this is a common issue with a lot of people who have confidence and self worth issues, where when they get into a situation where they and their possible girlfriend/boyfriend treat them with the respect that they deserve, the more self-conscious individual withdraws from the possible relationship due to the fact that they don’t deem themselves as worthy. I am one of these people, and in most cases, you are too. I have actually ended relationships due to this reason.

I have found that what is common in dating, in a well off relationship one of the partners would disengage, thinking that they are no longer suitable and their partner deserves better. In some cases, this decision may be totally valid, but from what I have seen is that in most cases the partner has chosen to stay with you for a reason, and if he/she really wanted to be with someone ‘better’ they would have left a while ago.

This information is all good and dandy, and in text and verbal communication it is easy to recognize with a clear and sensible mind, but for many of us (myself included) when the arrow points in your direction it’s a completely different story. Most self-conscious people are aware of what they do and don’t do and spend endless hours trying to figure out if this denial, of others giving love is normal (which it is). I know for a fact that everyone wants to be loved, but people just deal with this situation differently depending on several internal and external factors. I also know that there is someone waiting for you and sometimes you have to love yourself a little. This will honestly help you allow yourself to be loved.

Now setting what I said aside, I am currently in a position where my heart has decided that I really like a close friend of mine, but mentally I am trying to convince myself otherwise. I don’t think in my own  personal experience I have mentally fought myself so much about, trying to convince my heart otherwise.

I’m not sure if this situation only applies to me (which I doubt highly) but I have constantly been put in situations (situations of my own choosing) where I have fallen for someone, experiencing the love, something that I’ve always wanted, only to mentally decide that ‘you know what heart I’m going to convince that you don’t like this person, and I’m going to fight you to until you don’t like them anymore’. Why? You may ask, am I doing this to myself? In short I honestly have no idea, I’ve always been this way, psyching myself out over nothing or not allowing myself to let loose and just be, and I can really only speculate that it is emotional trauma of some sorts being a protective mechanism, where ‘you can’t get hurt if you don’t put yourself out there’, but this can also be directly linked to self-worth, confidence and trust issues. The only thought I have is that I wonder how  this love, deemed (mentally) a prohibited emotion will affect me in the long run.

Still, however, all in all, this is just one of the many things I have to work on, being human and everything and I wouldn’t be surprised if you may be in a similar / same boat. Please comment and share your story or thoughts below, and I wish you the best on this fine winter night.

Love yourself, love others, embrace your flaws.

Sincerely,

Sonja P.