Being Alone Together, an Ambivert Thing

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“In the midst of all ongoings, all chaos, and all displeasures, to sit and read and to be alone, is much great fun together.” ~Sonja P.

It is interesting to see in today’s society how sound or noise, in particular, is needed on a societal level to feel comfortable.  For example, there is always that one or few people, extroverts normally, that don’t feel comfortable with silence or just surrounding ambient noise. There is a need or almost personal requirement to fill up this silence with either their music or their own voice. Sometimes the built up voice is a conversation of something important, meaningful even. However the majority of the time the words being expressed end up to be meaningless chatter.

As an ambivert (an introvert and an extrovert) as well as an INFJ it has come to my attention that people, the majority of them, feel uncomfortable by silence. Still, there are many introverts and ambiverts alike that like their quiet, resting space and alone time. Alone time, not filled with needless chatter, but again not necessarily alone.

I understand that the idea of being alone while not actually being alone appears to be a tad contradictive, however, it is nonetheless true. I am aware that the majority of introverts enjoy their time alone, solely by themselves, and this time by themselves for longer periods of time is not lonely but in fact rejuvenating. As an ambivert, however, though I do enjoy my personal space, and being physically alone, I can only do so for a shorter period of time, in comparison to a full-on introvert.

I have found that the majority of ambiverts, seem to get similar uplifting effects of being solely alone as introverts but cannot be in isolation for as long as the common introvert. What ambiverts seem to prefer is to be alone together.

I understand that this may not yet be clear, so let me explain. Being ‘alone together’ is actually exactly what it sounds like. It involves, generally no more than two people sitting or being in a room together, minding their own business, maybe both reading or on their own electronic devices, thus not interacting with one another, in a quiet room, with no one talking, sitting side by side, together.

It seems like quite an odd thing to feel so comfortable doing but, as ambiverts, this is the ideal way to relax and unwind. (Keep in mind that both people need to be mentally and physically at peace, with no strong emotion, because the majority of introverts and ambiverts are empaths [more on this in another post]).

This idea of being alone together appears contradictive in societal nature, where it has become the norm to fill in every quiet space with some kind of sound or noise. Still, however, many of us thrive on quiet, and it is quite enjoyable and exhilarating in one’s own silence. Depending on your own personal nature, however, introverts and ambiverts alike,  you may prefer being solely alone or to be alone together, and both is completely acceptable and should not be thought of as a personal disadvantage.

Both introverts and ambiverts alike are both needed in this crazy extrovert driven world, and it’s okay if you need your alone time, or together alone time. The human mind, the social expectations, nothing has ever been crystal clear to us at any given moment in time or space. It is okay to enjoy an activity that seems contradictive in nature, and it is okay to enjoy your quiet and space. Just accept it as who you are, and remember that introversion is not a weakness, it is a sign of strength because look at how many days you’ve survived this crazy extrovert world, that’s 100% so far, so keep it up.

Stay amazing, Stay beautiful, Stay introverted, the world needs you.

Sincerely,

Sonja P.

 

Words…

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I have a problem. With words. Saying things, with words.

As you probably do not know but now will, I am an INFJ. That stands for Introverted, iNtuition, Feeling and Judging and is considered the rarest type out of the 16 Myers Briggs type, being 1% of the entire population. (You can take the free Myers Briggs personality test by following the link attached at the end of the post). I am dedicating a variety of posts to fellow INFJ’s (found in category INFJ) but can just be as easily relatable to viewers who consider themselves as introverts, outgoing introverts, perfectionists, people with a hard time confiding in people and the list goes on. If your not an INFJ, please still feel welcome in reading the INFJ posts, they’re meant for everyone who is willing to read them.

Ok, so back to words. I have a problem with saying words, and I think this is true with a lot of people. At least for me, I could have played a conversation over and over in my head and when it was time to say it, I would say some thing stupid, awkward and at most times completely unrelated. Is that just me? Possibly. But I do know a lot of people have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.

I am very ‘gifted’ with a pen/keyboard (I put ‘gifted’ in brackets because I’m not actually gifted, but I like to consider myself as a good writer) and I can express everything in ways that could seem not possible to come out of my mouth. I write better than I speak. By a landslide. I can write the most insightful things to my friends on Facebook, give advice that could only really be considered as an old aged lady giving life experience advice though email and can create wonderful stories about fantasy with amazing adventures. But when I speak it’s kind of like: “Hey… you. That was fun, the thing, we did yesterday. Wait we didn’t do that yesterday? Was it the day before? Oh. I guess it could have been a dream…”

This is what I assume is true for a lot of people (well maybe not the dream part…). It is normally the quietest people who have the most creative minds, or can write with such intensity that it can leave you in tears after reading one of their written passages, but speak terribly, with not verbal literature at all. But this is ‘normally’. People who can be seen as loud-mouthed, verbal diarrhea and just filler spacers can also write just as beautifully. (I actually follow in this category. I’m an outgoing introvert… more on this later).

I find in the society we live in, it can be normally seen as the loudest will be the leader, land the most jobs and in general just do better. But why? To be quite honest I don’t have an exact answer for that, only speculations, still though I think a large part of this is confidence. A lot of loud mouths have confidence, more so then we do. That’s why they seem to get what they want, their confident, and people look up to confident people. It definitely doesn’t necessarily mean that they are more qualified for the job then you are, but they carry that confidence that we may lack.

Still I know it’s hard. Especially when you are just trying to have a normal conversation and are trying to express yourself in ways that only seem to be possible through pen and paper, when you are obviously just making a fool out of yourself, or am trying to make connections with other people who have no idea what your talking about. So I guess you could just from now on only communicate through emails, texts and short (or long) novels, but sad to say that is not the world we live in. We can try to practice speaking to people and it will only get better with time, but during that wait period, acceptance is key. Yes you may not be as verbally literate as your fellow friends or acquaintances. But you just have to remember that words, saying words can improve, and well writing words can only get better.

Be creative. Be you. Be Unique.

Sincerely

 

Sonja P.

Titles under the example of Ambivert

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Some say you can’t have both. You’re either one or another. This is sad because anyone is capable of having both, it’s just sometimes only one side is ever awakened.

As an INFJ an Introverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging, Myers-Briggs personality type, I’ve seen many posts over the years about how INFJ’s are like quite angels. Reality check we’re not. According to statistics, though we may be the lowest percent of personality types, we are not by any chance a superior human being. Which I find a lot of people think when reading posts about INFJ’s. A lot of blog posts do however mention that there are a lot of similarities between types and I’m not trying to point out only the posts I disagree with. Either way, truth be told INFJ’s are not necessarily quite angels and most of us are truly outgoing introverts, which brings me to the topic of today’s blog post.

I am an outgoing introvert or ambivert, that is one title I refer to myself as, following, sensitive, HSP etc. This basically means that though your true processing is as an introvert, you are commonly mistaken as an extrovert due to your bubbly and outgoing nature around familiar friends and family. You are still an introvert, but I suppose it can be considered the best of both worlds. All in all it’s pretty easy to tell for yourself if you are an outgoing introvert, because though people think you may be the life of a small social gathering when you get home you just watch Netflix or read a book to recharge, and that’s okay. There are also a lot of people that aren’t INFJ’s that are ambiverts as well and that’s awesome too. It’s just what INFJ’s have known to now be.

The thing that I find most interesting about being an outgoing introvert or about any title you give to yourself and express easily is that to others, you are not affiliated with that title. I’ve actually been in conversation with family members about how they think I’m actually not an Introvert (which to be quite honest, can upset me at times, only because it can feel like they don’t know me well enough). Still, however, it’s a rude reality with really everything you will ever say and will take time for others if they choose to stick around for others to really understand.

I know this is one of my shorter posts, but the message here is short and sweet as well. As an INFJ or really any personality type (which all of you are at least one type) there are going to people who won’t immediately get you if not all people that you first meet and that’s okay. You could be an extrovert, introvert, ambivert or anything at all and that’s okay too. You are going to be confronted at least once in your life about people questioning who you are and why you refer to yourself as so in so, and that’s life. The most important thing is that in the end, you know what’s best for you, and only you can make the decision in the end. So sure people will question your titles, but you don’t have to question them in response to other comments. You’ve already figured that out while they have not, and no problems in that either.

What I’m trying to say is though throughout this post I’ve been talking about introversion and extroversion, this topic of how people will not immediately understand your title can be applied to almost anything in life. Gender, race, religion and the list can go on forever. Don’t let someone else tell you what you can or can’t be. You set the boundaries, who says that you can’t set the limits?

Stay strong. Hold your head up high. Trust yourself.

Sincerely,

Sonja P.

The Myers Briggs Personality Type

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Hey Everyone, Copper D.W. here!

So I’m introducing this new category, being ‘INFJ’, Carl Jung’s personality test! YAY!! 😀

If you are not already familiar with the Myers-Briggs Personality tests (or what they are formally called MBTI, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) it’s basically a test that you take that puts you in a category of 16 types, being a combination of 4 letters. I vs E (introversion vs extroversion), S vs N (sensing vs intuition), F vs T (feeling vs thinking) and J vs P (judging vs perceiving). The final ‘type’ that you get is a combination of these 4 letters that is a general summary of how you process information, make decisions etc. I attached a link to a free Myers-Briggs personality test (because the real one costs money).

In this new category, I am going to be focusing on the rarest Myers-Briggs personality being the INFJ, which I am the most knowledgeable about because I am one. Sadly I will only have a category for the INFJ Myers-Briggs personality type and not any of the other 15, because I don’t feel like I know enough about the other types to provide insight on it.

In these kinds of posts in this category, I am assuming that you already have some basic understanding of what the stereotypical information on INFJ’s and this category is really just here to add my own personal insights of these kinds of INFJ problems. (So this isn’t the website to learn more about INFJ’s but more so a reflection of the type of fellow INFJ’s that need to know that they are not alone)

If you want to find some really great information on your Myers-Briggs type then there are a lot of great sites (linked below) that you can get a lot of information of these different types. (just to note, I am not affiliated with any of these companies, or websites).

I hope you enjoy my new INFJ Category, and I hope to see you back for more, juicy personal tidbits of INFJ Problems, and thoughts!

 

Awesome Sox!!

Sincerely,

Copper D.W.

 

 

Real MBTI Test:

  1. http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

Personality Quizzes Free:

  1. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
  2. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
  3. http://www.truity.com/test/type-finder-research-edition

 

INFJ Information:

  1. http://www.truity.com/personality-type/infj
  2. https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality
  3. http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/infj
  4. http://personalityjunkie.com/the-infj/
  5. http://introvertspring.com/the-worlds-rarest-personality-infj-type-decoded/