When Life Changes, it’s Not Over

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“Life seems to have its own path that sometimes it appears you have to follow, but this is not always true. Sometimes you need to divert from the path to start your own down the untrimmed grass, to truly find yourself.” ~Sonja P.

Hello Everyone,

I apologize for not writing for the past couple of weeks, but life has taken me on the rollercoaster that it is. Due to several life complications, I have returned home from my out of town University and am going to continue my education here, in my hometown. It’s quite difficult to take, for me on a personal level

It’s quite difficult to take, for me on a personal level for the school I went to was perfect for me in every way. The program was amazing, the professors were immaculate and my friends, well they were spectacular. I even had a crush that I was hoping to eventually ask out. Nevertheless, life had its own ideas, and due to health issues, I had to return home.

Now it has been over two weeks since I have left that university and things have been going alright. My health, of course, hasn’t been super reliable however I am with my family,  I’m at home and I still have the option of two universities that have good programs in the area.

I realize that not everyone would do what I did, and I understand that what I did may not be approved by every family or household, but what I’d like to say is that I made a huge decision. I did what was best for my health. I can home. And guess what? My life isn’t over.

After some distance from the entire matter, I have come to realize that everything, though difficult will be okay. Dropping out of school for health reasons isn’t a death sentence. In a matter of fact, dropping out of school for whatever reason isn’t a death sentence. In the world we live it is expected for us to get some kind of degree, diploma or certification, but the reality is not everyone is set to do this. Sometimes change takes its way and then well you just need to move forward. I plan to go back to university this coming September, but it’s okay, and totally amazing if you decide to leave school and go into the workforce, or get an apprenticeship or really anything because it’s okay. It’s your life and you need to decide how you want to live it

I plan to go back to university this coming September, but it’s okay, and totally amazing if you decide to leave school and go into the workforce, or get an apprenticeship or really anything because it’s okay. It’s your life and you need to decide how you want to live it. You could live by others, or societal values or you could march to the beat of your own drums, or do a little of both!

The reality is, is that I knew that my health would get worse if I stayed, so I had to come home. And though it seems very simple in just that one sentence, the pressure to do everything right, to prove yourself, to make yourself feel more accepted and the list can go on, can sometimes, and quite frequently cloud your judgment of what you want or more in particularly what you need.

Life is a rollercoaster, and I can say that from experience, but remember with every down there is an up and with every up there is a knowing of a change.

Change is okay.

Health should be looked after.

It’s not the end of the world.

Sincerely,

Sonja P.

Filters

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Filters are now the average normal. Anything else can be considered as… weird.

We all hopefully know what kind of filters I’m talking about, right? That’s ok if you don’t but just to clear any confusion up I’m not talking about the paper or metal filters that you find in a coffee machine or a tea strainer, I mean the mental filter.

We all have one. It’s kind of been trained into us. It could be as simple as not telling a person that they are a ‘bleepin’ dumbo because they came to school with their shirt on backwards or can be to the point of not telling your boss off when they are getting mad at you for no real apparent reason. (Or reasons that you didn’t commit or wasn’t even aware of). Either way, it’s that little filter in the mind that basically tells you to say one thing and hold back another.

Everyone to some degree has a filter, some less than others, and vice versa. Most of the time you can tell who has more of a filter by just talking to the person. It can be quite obvious that what they think is what they immediately say. There’s not quite something wrong with this, but in reality, this kind of filter (ie not having one) can get you into boatloads of trouble.

The same can be true with having too much of a filter, which I think a lot of us really do, especially introverts. I was talking to a friend just the other day and he actually brought up this topic. Filters can be both useful and detrimental, in both positive and negative ways, and this is very true. As an outgoing introvert, personally I have two kinds of mainstream thoughts, the one that is basically uncomfortable silence verbal randomness, which has a looser filter while my other mainstream thinking process is so narrowly filtered that it can be rare to even let a drop of anything out.

I’ve found this so difficult, however, holding back the more important mainstream thoughts, for I am the type of person who will feel explosive and want to be understood if I don’t tell anyone. So I have started to slowly open the more tightly knit filter up allowing a bit more out.

Still, however it can be very difficult deciding what should or shouldn’t be filtered, I was once even told that in some cases it might be better for no one to know. But in my opinion there really needs to be a balance. If you’re too open, you are going to say a lot of things you are going to regret saying and if you don’t say any of your main thoughts you are going to feel very alone and misunderstood. This is where I currently am, but I’m trying to find a happy middle ground as well.

It really also depends on the people you are confiding to. Friends that have been flaky probably shouldn’t be the people you would chat to about your most condensed thoughts.

A judge of character can also help decide if you want to filter some things with them. Don’t get me wrong, filtering constantly is not good but telling everyone your deepest darkest thoughts may also not be the best thing for you as a person. Really I would recommend just starting ‘unfiltering’ with a close friend or two and see how that goes.

It can be very difficult to change habits and states of mind, and in most cases what you are currently doing has been working for you, and I’m not telling you to go rethink everything you’ve ever thought, but it never hurts to try to see if this may work for you. Again, in my opinion, a happy medium is ideal, for both sanity and support but in the end, it’s really up to how you want to live your life.

Stay real. Try life. Be yourself.

Sonja P. 🙂

5 Tips on How to Deal when all Your GuyFriends have Dates when you’re a Girl

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Hey Everyone, Copper D.W. here,

I’d first like to say before I begin that I am so sorry that I haven’t been keeping up the blog for the past 18 days, I’ve been so crazy busy, but I’m back baby!! 😀

I will probably be writing only twice a week, though, sorry bout that, but I don’t think I’d be able to keep up the every other day posts, but now you know. 🙂

Ok, so today’s post I’m going to talk about me and my friends in the “romance department.” I have three good guy friends, and we always chat, (ok maybe not always but often enough) and we have really great conversations, but I have found an interesting trend. All of them have girlfriends or are in some kind of romantic mindset, and I’m just like, “Hey… people…” So today I’m just going to try to give you some tips on how to deal with all this lovey dove talk.

Ok so first of all, I am assuming that you are or have been really close friends with your guy friends it is safe to assume that they will talk to you about how amazing they are in Love.

Tip #1. Do not kill their joy/love.

Let them talk about how happy they are because chances are you have been friends with him when he wasn’t in the best place, so just listen and be happy for them. I once read a nice quote and it said something like; Don’t blow out someone else’s candle, in hopes that your light will shine brighter. This is particularly true in this case. You may not be all hunky dory in Love, but if they are, then let them. Don’t tell them to stop having these emotions because you just aren’t feeling it.

Tip #2. Try Listening, and Giving advice when asked.

I know it can be hard because if you have been a good friend to your best guy friend, if you guys have known each other and are super comfortable as friends, then you probably has asked I’m for guy advice and him, vice versa. Remember that time when he gave you that honest, but totally unnecessary advice? Well, this is kind of the same thing. If he wants advice, give him some advice if your comfortable (of course you can decide if you want to or not, you call the shots of your own life). I know it can be hard to listen to him when it seems he just calls you up to talk about his girlfriend, but odds are they don’t have a lot of girl best friends that they feel open enough to talk about this with, so take it as a compliment and try not to go stir crazy.

Tip #3. If it’s getting too much, politely ask for a break or a change in the conversation.

I know that sometimes when you have a guy friend that has his first real romance, or really likes the girl if they are the kind to talk, they talk… about it … a lot. I know it can be hard to listen to them when that is all they talk about or is the majority of what they talk about (like I said I have 3 guy friends who just love to tell me how much they are in love, some more than others). I know at least personally, you want the best for them, but sometimes you just need a break from others romance and take a breather, especially when you are not experiencing the same kinds of emotions. Still be polite about it, and let them know you just need a break and that it’s not that you don’t want them to talk to you.

Tip #4. Don’t go crazy. Just don’t do it.

I know when everyone else seems to be on the cruise ship to romance paradise, you start to go a little stir crazy, and wonder like “what the heck, what about me?”. But my advice for you is to try not to let it bother you. I personally believe that everything comes to you at specific times and that sometimes things happen all at once or for lengths of time or nothing at all. You have to learn to be patient, and to take whatever comes with you with as much of an open mind as you can, because who knows, maybe when you get your boyfriend the tables will be turned (in which it most likely will). Thus concluding to

Tip #5. Stay positive and move forwards.

Everything comes, everything goes. Like the crashing waves on the sandy beaches, they arrive with great power, only to be pulled back by the ocean. Think of life as the waters of the world. Sometimes you can ride that wave, but sometimes you just need to watch while other surf their own, and you can do it, I know you can.

Just takes patience and an open heart and mind.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Copper D.W.

Just Do What You Gotta Do

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Hey Everyone, Copper D.W. here!

Today is a very special day for me because it is my birthday and it I have my graduation ceremony today! As pumped as I already am, I have recognized that today is composed of not only celebration but of reflection and the one thing that comes to mind is Acceptance, so in reflection of my 4 years in my program and my birthday, that’s what I’ll be talking about in this post.

Acceptance. It’s such a human trait. Being such social creatures (i.e. humans) it is no wonder that others approval and the need and desire to be accepted is near the top on the priority list. I have read a lot of essays and documents on how everyone needs love in their life and how that is something that is always on everyone’s mind, but what people cease to talk about is acceptance.

I am from a very caring and compassionate family, and they have always supported me in whatever endeavours I choose to follow (it also helps that my family and I have the same calls of judgement and morals) but whenever they disagree with what I say, I’m immediately taken aback, questioning “Do I need to change or stop the way I’m thinking or doing to make them accept me more?” I suppose love could be tied into this, but furthermore, it is interesting to note that though I have always been taught to march and the beat of my own drums when it comes to family it becomes much more personal and dire to change your perspectives in order to make them happy.

Friends, having almost identical effects can also have you question what you’re doing with your life and your life choices. I have very few close friends because of this, and I am very selective due to this reason. Either way, acceptance is really what keeps us going in a social setting. You generally hang out with people who accept you (or at least accept the way you have been portraying yourself around them) vs friends that make you feel like poop. But it can be difficult with your family because in most cases it is very difficult to draw lines between them and your life choices.

My Advice: Just do what you gotta do.

I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what decision you make someone will be unhappy. Whether it’s choosing a baby name, picking a sport, going into a job field, someone will always tell you why it won’t work, or say there are better options, (and it’s most likely involving money in some kind of way). My advice to you is that sometimes you need to do what’s right for you, even when it’s an inconvenience to everyone else, because at the end of the day it’s you, you have to live with, it’s your life, it’s your choices, and as my friends and family have heard me say “No Regrets.”

Of course, you need to weigh the choices you make appropriately, and not just go on a whim and of course whatever you do you will always have some kind of regret, but again you need to weigh the situation to make sure there is as little regret as an outcome as possible. Make an ‘educated guess’ as I like to say, but I admit that sometimes you need to make decisions that just ‘feel right’ no matter if you have any evidence or not. Judging by feeling and not emotion is key in this situation but nonetheless is essential, for like I said No regrets, and that is something a lot of people say when they don’t follow their hunches.

Be true to who you are, don’t let anyone compromise your opinions or values and most importantly ‘just do what you gotta do’, no regrets.

 

Yours truly,

Copper D.W.

 

Something Real. Something Tangible.

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Hey everyone, Copper D.W. here.

The past couple of months, in particular, days, have been pretty rough. (Let’s just say that life has never really been kind to me in the romance department.) Either way, last night was hard, but I’m over it now. I tell myself I’m over it now and to be honest that is not actually a lie. I guess I’m lucky in this kind of way because I have the tendency to think… a lot of what ifs and possibilities, but once I am sure that what I’m thinking will never happen, I move on pretty quickly.

I don’t know about you but, if something doesn’t work out I try not to dwell on it too long. The key word is ‘try.’ Of course I can’t say that I haven’t laid in bed regretting things that I’ve done 7 years ago, but lately, I’ve been more aware of my choices and the repercussions that involve them.

I know for a lot of people (including myself) change is hard, rejection is worse, but if I had learned anything in life on this planet, if you dwell on sh*t (sorry excuse the language) you feel like it.

I’m not trying to say to put all your emotions on the back burner and let everything boil and simmer while you’re too busy with other people’s problems because trust me, been there done that and it’s no picnic. It’s okay to cry and let things out because no one can ever hold that much in.

So what I’m trying to get at is that yesterday I was talking on Facebook (come find me and like my page Merakiwritingblog) and I was chatting to another good friend of mine and something struck me. Ok besides the fact that I was way too tired and crying because I felt like my life was a mess (which I’m not technically wrong) it was interesting to me what how he handled my… awkwardness.

Ok so know I may be not making sense, but please trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.

But first a backstory! (I know, I’m sorry, I’ll make it short.) I am literally all of my friend’s therapists, it’s kind of a role which I can’t decide if I like or want none of it. Either way, I always come up with big inspirational writings about my friends and why they shouldn’t give up, that there an amazing person and so forth whenever they come to me for a chat. They always were super appreciative and offer to return the favour, but it seemed that whenever I want to cash in the offer, somehow I always feel worse going out than coming in.

Ok back to the story.

So I was chatting with my friend through FB and I started talking to him about my concerns, how I felt and life in general, and I wasn’t crying (yet). We continued to talk and then he wrote something and I started balling. (Ok just to make this clear 97% of the time I am not like this, but some days just get the better of you.) The reason why I broke out in tears was because he wrote me something that I have literally tell other people all the time. (I even did an essay on the topic during school!)

This is what he said: (we were talking about feeling alone)

“First of all, you don’t have to be alone at the end of the day. not really. you have the people who care for you. and if you let them, they can be with you wherever you are. even if you just think of a happy memory you had with them. they are there in that moment. and you are there with them.”

We then talked for a long, long, long time. Yea. It was long but it was worth it.

And that is when I realized something. Something that I am so glad that I have been able to take out of this experience.

I have been literally serving other people all of my life. I have been giving people advice time and time again and again, giving lots and receiving next to nothing. I realized that I need something real, something tangible, something not from my mind, or head or spirit.

I realized that I just needed to hear someone else to say it. Someone who was not me. Someone to tell me, to talk me through the mess that this is real, and not just in my head.

And I realized that I just needed someone to talk to me, treat me the same way as I treat everyone else. Talk about something that is important to me and to articulate it through words, through art, through reality.

I’m an over thinker. If you didn’t say it I will 9.9 times out of 10 assume something. If it’s right or wrong who knows, but that guess work drives me bananas. I’m constantly thinking and I go a little stir crazy when I can’t figure something out. I get painful migraines from stress and you guessed it overthinking, but what I’m trying to say is that when you live so much in your head you start to question what is and what isn’t.

I just needed someone to tell me what I tell everyone else I talk to, to be straight forward and be Real, Authentic, Vulnerable, and Articulative. Just taking the guess work out of it completely and telling me what I needed to hear, not just gibberish that they wanted to say.

The thing is, is that generally things that you think to yourself, you rarely have the motivation to actually do it. Like if I want to go get a gym membership and be like ‘I’m going to go to the gym and be fit’ only to realize that when you actually want to go out and buy that membership you decide an investment in a smaller less pricey jumbo bag of chips will suffice. So what you tell yourself is your true intentions but it never really plays out the way it really should. Now when you have someone else telling you this (and I don’t really think your family members count, because no matter how many times I think I should do the dishes, and then not do them, having my mom telling me to do the dishes doesn’t make me want to do the dishes more) let’s call it external motivation and you are on a mutual friendship and respect level you actually are more prone to taking the advice. (this is not scientifically proven as far as I am aware so do not quote me on that.)

So basically what I’m trying to get at (I’m not sure how successfully) is that sometimes you need to take a step back, and I’m not trying to say get another perspective on your situation because, more thinking? Let’s try to be kind on ourselves. But try to find something real. Something tangible and ride on that wave until the wave disperses into the ocean.

I know that not everyone (and most likely very few) can find people who can give them what they need to talk about, need to hear, see or do, but if you can hold onto something real, and just ride the wave, I promise you, you will eventually find someone who will be willing to surf the wave and make you feel good about doing it. Someone from a friend to a co-worker to a partner, really it’s whatever works for you.

Life isn’t a game because it’s either do or die. But if it was a game, you’d be winning because you’re still alive.

You have a lot more EXP to get so don’t give up now and the future will always be brighter than the past, you just have to, in the present, take a deep breath, learn, enjoy and hold on to reality.

Hold onto something tangible and surf that wave.

Sincerely,

Copper D.W.

An Open Letter to People who Struggle with Power

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Hello, Readers, Copper D.W. here!

I apologize for not clarifying in the title what my definition of ‘power’ was. My definition would be someone, like a boss or a parent who has control over you politically, emotionally, financially and so forth. Let me remind you that life is never easy, there will always be those one or two people who just seem to have everything handed to them and given all the privileges.

I’m not trying to devalue their worth, however, there will always be those people depending on the onlooker’s perception. Still, this is not my focus. My focus will an open letter to all these people who struggle with their people with power. Your work buddies that never appreciate you, your parents who think you have no worth, your bosses that look at you as a number and so forth. So let’s begin:

 

Dear Friend,

Life is never hard, it’s always hard, and for some reason, you seem to have gotten the brunt of it all. “Why?” you may be asking “why me?” and in reality only heaven knows. I know that ever since I was young (for I was adopted and suffered from severe anger, anxiety, and depression) that why do others seem to have such an easier life in comparison. I have read many spiritual theories about soul groups and we pick our circumstance and I have heard the most scientific explanations possible. But still in the end, no matter what you are going through, it never helps to have someone say ‘Someone else has it a lot worse’ or that ‘you picked this life now you have to deal with it’ (and yes I have been told both).

I know you may have been having this power struggle since you were a young child or it is just a new predicament that formed from a new job or field of study you have entered. And you feel, in simple terms lost, uprooted from the world and felt as if you were thrown into the water where you needed your roots to be on earth. Sometimes it feels that way, and trust me some things will never get easier. But some things will.

I have learned that people who struggle the most and learn to overcome the challenge are generally the kindest and forgiving people I know because they know what it’s like to feel worthless and to feel like nothing.

I know your life may suck now, but if you keep going, keep pushing ahead, because there is always light at the end of the tunnel. There are always going to be distractions, imitations of the true ending light, which end up being fireflies leading you to a dead end, but listen here:

Life is worth living.

Life will get better.

You will eventually find the right people who you can be real with.

And one of my favourite quotes from an anonymous writer: “If you don’t like where you are move, you are not a tree.”

You can always leave the situation. Always, always, always. I’m not saying this is easy, for it is never ever easy leaving something familiar, but if you are young, you’ll eventually grow older and you can leave. If you have a bad boss, terrible co-workers you can transfer, you can leave. Life will give you your ups and downs but, you are a beautiful human being and don’t let your spirits be crushed by someone who doesn’t even know you. For only you know you, and what is for you best. You are in control of your life, and you are just as powerful as they are.

Stay true to who you are.

Never compromise on your values.

Be resilient, for even the persistence of water can wash away stone,

Sincerely,

Copper D.W.

An Open Letter from a Girl to a Guy

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Hello, Copper D.W. here and I actually have been inspired by some of the feed on my Pinterest account which leads up to what I am going to be writing for you today.

Today’s topic or my piece of MERAKI Advice is a little thing called romance. Ok, so before I start I’d like to first point out that I am female, (just in case some of you weren’t sure) and I would like to tell you the little story of what I was doing to get to this point.

I was on Pinterest scrolling through my feed and I saw a Pin about a girl asking what it’s like in a guy’s mind. That got me thinking because just the other day I was talking to an old Childhood friend asking me the same question, and they ended up using Wikipedia or something, while I am (internally) banging my head thinking things like ‘WHY? Out of all the sites online, why Wiki?’. Either way I kept looking and being a person who’s always interested in how others think and what drives them, I decided that I will write an open letter to my fellow guys who may want to get a sneak peak into a female’s mind if there are none, in your area, or such in such. Ok, here we go.

 

An Open Letter from a Girl to A Guy by; Copper D.W.

Dear fellow Guys,

I understand that girls can sometimes seem as a different species. With all the emotional complexity and female body language cues that seem to have plenty of unspoken reasons according to the internet. Let me tell you one thing, girls are not as complicated as guys.

Like any person of any sexual orientation, we have emotions, feelings, hormones that sometimes we can wear too easily on out sleeves. Girls like to fart, burp, punch and compete just like any guy. As a society, we have become known for being a sensitive crybaby that needs saving. But this is incorrect. We are not all emotions and hormones, and most of the people who consider themselves of female orientation think this stereotype needs to be refurbished, to say the least. For example, the male stereotype is supposed to be all tough and brawny, with little emotion and nothing to say that doesn’t sound confident.

Guys we all know this stereotype is a lie. Ok, there may be those couple of people that you see that have these kinds of features but seriously, the majority of good looking guys that my and my gal-friends talk about aren’t even these types. (and if you are, I also have nothing against you).

According to the media, a girl wants a buff dude who has it all, but in reality, these fantasies of ‘perfect men’ are not only disassociated with but it almost seems to be the opposite. I have heard a good gal friend of mine saying that people who look overly buff like in those Axe ads are pretty darn scary. (Again no offense to really buff dudes).

 

Top 6 Things a Girls Would Want You to Know:

  1. Be nice for the sake of being nice: Not someone pretending to be nice but like a genuinely nice guy. A lot of guys generally assume that being nice won’t get the ladies. This is a total lie. If you really want to get the ladies, just be genuinely nice, and you will actually make some new gal-friends that are real and not just a one night stand.
  2. Be real: I kind of already addressed that, but to girls, fake guys are guys we don’t even want to deal with. I remember my old friend telling me that ‘Fake guys’ aren’t worth it and though I sometimes have to disagree, this is generally what seems to happen.
  3. Being Sensitive is Okay: It actually can make you seem more genuine and likable, at least to people of female orientation.
  4. Muscles don’t matter: In the ideal world dudes with muscles, just have muscles, personally, I couldn’t care less, however like any person will have their types.
  5. Talk to us: I feel there is a lot of stigma around guys talking to girls for advice when they aren’t dating. I personally think this is dumb, but you’ll be the judge of that. I do know however that most girls like to talk. So if you want to strike up a nonchalant conversation with them that is greatly appreciated
  6. And lastly Girls are weird: Now before you judge me and say in the comments or something about feminism, just first hear me out. Anyone that is different from yourself, you will consider weird or different. Therefore according to this idea, women are weird to men and men are weird to women. So I’m just saying, yes girls can be seen as moody at times (including guys, so I’m not cutting you that much slack) however if you get to know the person well enough, this can be looked past.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that girls only seem weird when you don’t quite understand them, but once you start asking around, getting different girls opinions on things, it is really only then when you can make a decision of whether they’re weird or not. Girls are only weird if you don’t understand them, and the same goes for guys or really anyone of any orientation. If you don’t understand them, try to. I think it’s safe to come to the assumption of ‘If you didn’t try it, how do you know you don’t like it?’

Good luck to all the guys out there. Like anything in life women are a rollercoaster with some interesting add-ons, however, we are just as wonderful and just as normal as guys.

I hope you may have gained a little information, and remember to take any advice with a grain of salt because seriously this is only one girl’s opinion.

Chat soon, sincerely

Copper D.W.