I Love You Too

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“I Love You Too” by Sonja P.

“Inadmissible?”

“Inadmissible?” Kelly repeated again.

 

It was a chilly spring evening, the sun was setting and Kelly had just returned home from a walk with her dog Lily.

 

“Given the given application and portfolio we regret to inform you that you are inadmissible to the Arts program at our University.” Kelly choked back tears. How could she have had just been denied entry into her most desired school?

 

It was beautiful outside. The setting sun made picture perfect moments. Kelly and Lily watched the sun start to fade as the swallow swooped and fluttered through the sky. Aerial dancing for the two.

 

Now in full tears, Kelly read and reread the email. She had been having a rough week, and now this?

 

“Inadmissible?”

 

Lily lifted one ear and turned her head completely forgetting about the wonderful walk they were just on.

 

“Why am I inadmissible?”

 

Kelly was crying now looking at her phone, fully taking in what exactly happened.

 

“Why are you sad Kelly?” Lily asked.

“Why are you wet on your face again?”

 

Lily barked and woofed, and now Kelly didn’t know why her dog was so upset with her too. She put down her phone and put her face in her hands crying more evidently.

 

“Why are you sad Kelly?” Lily asked a few more times.

Lily soon realized that Kelly was hiding from her.

“Why are you hiding Kelly?”

“Kelly?”

 

Kelly just kept crying, she had just been denied entry from her most wanted University because of the given application and portfolio.

 

“Kelly?”

Lily put her paw on Kelly’s knee, pushing herself off and up into Kelly’s arms kissing the salty water on her face.

“Kelly?”

 

Now holding Lily, Kelly cried into Lily’s half muddied fur, hugging her tightly.

 

After crying for a solid 20 min, Kelly started to loosen her grip on her. With Lily looking up at Kelly and licking her face until it was a watery smile.

 

“I love you Lily.” Kelly said, squeezing her again as she finally stopped crying.

 

“Don’t worry Kelly. I love you too.”

A Matter of Perception

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“A Matter of Perception” By: Sonja P.

In my imagination, I had seen places like this, yet as I walked around the dimly lit chamber there was a sense of uneasiness. I could faintly hear the rustling of leaves and the songs of crows high above me, but as looked up, there appeared to be only a dim glow resonating these unsettling sounds.

I dared not to speak, as if in fear of waking someone. Wake who? I was not sure, but the impending feeling of being blissfully watched pulled at my core. It was as if I was in a living dream, someplace wonderful, magical and fantastical, but still, in no way have I pictured this place as it lay before me.

The darkness seemed to creep over the stone tiles, only allowing the dim light from above trickle through the gaping holes overhead. You could faintly hear water dripping, trickling down the aged walls and running through my fingertips.

The water smelt fresh as if it was a spring from a nearby lake, but as I tasted the water on my fingertips, it tasted nothing but salt.

Strange. I thought to myself.

I looked around once again, struggling to reimagine what it had always looked like in my mind.

Making a complete circle, nothing seemed to be different. The stone floor was moist and moss padded my bare feet from the icy floor, the walls though seemingly tall and confining, held an odd placement of comfort, and light above trickled, as if light could have been a liquid and was seeping through nature’s core. But something was off.

I reanalyzed all of the overlays and turned around to the dripping water.

The water. I thought.

But as I turned to face the water, there was a tug on my waist, and before I could understand what was going on, I was lifted up, up and up. Passing through the holes and large gapes in the mossy and water sputtered walls.

Following the dappling light, higher and higher I flew until I rose from the broken grounds and into the silver moonlight, gracefully touching my feet on the sweet-smelling grasses.

And as I looked down, I came to recognize my home, with its flowing waterfalls and mossy rocks.

And as I looked down, I came to recognize my home, for it was merely only a matter of perception.

Queen of the Crows

Letters at the Coffee Shop

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“Letters at the Coffee Shop” by Sonja P. (a.k.a. Copper D.W.)

[I’m sorry for the formatting, the enter button seems to be malfunctioning today on wordpress]

Sitting at the local coffee shop, tea in one hand brownie in the next, and a warm wooly scarf wrapped around my neck, I just sat there, quietly beside the shop window, people watching. You see, in this new town, new school, new independence, I still haven’t found many friends, at least, ones tolerable enough to spend more than a couple hours with without feeling completely depleted afterwards. My problem is, I can be extremely outgoing for a period of time, then I get immensely tired and have to retreat into my single dormitory room with tea, a good book and potentially even a nap. Ambivert, I believe it’s called. Still, being an outgoing introvert seems to puzzle the common onlooker.”Let’s go to the party!” I remember one person exclaimed, only to look around and realize that she was talking to me, and respond with “What? There’s a party? I go to bed at 9:30.” That phrase kills a lot of opportunities, but I only use it for things I don’t want to go to. Which is really anything to do with a community of strangers, drunk and making crude and unfiltered small talk. I prefer to watch people in their natural habitat, well as natural as the downtown shopping area is. It’s just more interesting people watching than what I believe is called the Hawthorne effect when people change their behavior when they know they are being watched. Besides, it’s Fall, my favourite season, where for some reason I always feel more content, probably because I get to wear my warm and fuzzy socks, scarves and sweaters and guys actually wear shirts. People watching in the Summer can sometimes be a bit uncomfortable.
Alright, that’s all for now, talk soon!
Love,
Copper D.W.
During the Fall, back home, I would alway people watch at my local café, which was right across from a green space where I could sit and watch sitting from a surprisingly comfortable park bench. Here though, it’s a bit different, and there is no safe green  space where I can comfortably sit alone past dusk without the worry of not returning to my dorm. There are more people thus louder and as I walk around I only see sad looking trees growing from circles in the pavement. It’s still better than nothing and I have found this wonderful coffee shop, where there is not to much noise and not as many knife-wielding strangers. I have become a regular at the small corner coffee shop, to the point that when they see me walk in they just make my ‘usual.’ It’s kind of nice, as silly as it sounds, to have all this time alone. One of the friends I have actually made is alway practicing on her cello, yet we always seem to find a way to hang out or do something together a couple times a week. This coffee shop so far has been my sanction. I do homework here, and the store owners cat likes to sit sunning on the windowsill and sometimes lets me pet her. She’s not the prettiest looking thing nor the friendliest, but she is very sweet once she gets to know you. Lola is her name, and she and I do a lot of people watching together. Sometimes the owners let me stay after hours and Lola and I would watch the previously busy streets become a desolate wasteland in a matter of hours. Lola and I watch the stars and the moon together. We once pulled an all-nighter after accidentally drinking several chai late’s and forgetting that the next day I had a 7:30-morning class 45 min away. Fun times.
Love and miss you!
Copper D.W.
Lola and I like to people watch. She seems intrigued by the passing humans and has warmed up to me to the point that she lets me stroke her back indefinitely and sit on my lab. It’s now winter here and University has been much better over the last couple of months, my singular friend has now doubled and we all get along amazingly well together, though I seem to hang out with my newer friend a bit more due to availability. I’m doing much better than I did in high school, getting mostly B’s and well, some C’s, however, I am really proud of myself, because honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d get this far. I’m surprised how warm it gets down here, even in the Winter. I guess I’m so used to going out in the – 40 degrees with snow piles bigger than you are, the snow here is meager in comparison. Exams are in a couple of weeks and I am not so excited about writing my exam in the Alumni gym due to a roof collapsing overnight in the Arts building due to a ‘freak snowstorm.’ I have made good friends with the store owners and her employees and she has actually offered me a job over the winter break. Don’t worry about not being able to afford to bring me home for the winter break, I know that a plane ticket is super expensive around this time of year and we can’t really afford it.
Thanks for everything so far!
Love,
Copper D.W.
Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope you guys didn’t miss me too much! Christmas here was really good. I decided to take the job here at the coffee store and they treat me like family. Lola still likes to people watch, or what I now realize is chipmunk stalk, but she trots over to me at the counter, every now and then wanting neck rubs. I was kind of sad leading up to Christmas, I tried not to cry, especially on my first day of work, but with all the families together and present buying, I realized that I was extremely homesick. The owner, well I suppose she’s my boss now, she took me aside and we talked for a couple of minutes. After that, I was given the rest of the day off. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if she was giving me the day off or she fired me, but she let me take Lola, so I assumed, either way, I had to eventually come back. I’m glad I did, though, because after realizing that Lola has always been chipmunk stalking, when she jumped out of my arms and pursued a 3 limbed chipmunk almost killing it, I decided she probably shouldn’t be outside. Her fur also froze around her head and feet and she looked like a weird lion monkey animal and not too happy that I came between her and her supposed pre-Christmas meal. When I did return to the coffee store, my boss was on the phone and trying to deal with a rude customer at the cash, I immediately stepped in so my boss could finish her phone call and I was able to somewhat successfully get what the lady wanted, which was to allow her sun to use the bathroom, which we didn’t have and to get a hot chocolate. I got him a hot chocolate, and hopefully they did eventually find a washroom. I then decided that I should at least finish my shift because right now my boss was the only one working and it was obvious that I should be here. My boss was on the phone for the rest of the day and when I was ready to close up and leave, she offered an invitation to her ‘Christmas dinner’. I knew she celebrated Hanuka, but she said that here at the coffee store they celebrate the festivities of winter and she wanted to have the stores first winter dinner open to the public on Christmas day, with staff gift exchanges and everything. That was a wonderful moment, and that’s when I realized she was on the phone all day for me. Christmas day soon came and both of my friends came, all the employee’s, my boss and many other lonely people came to the store and we had an amazing time. I so wished you were there, but it seems that I now have 2 families and I am so very happy!
Love you lots,
Merry Christmas!
Copper D.W.
Sorry, I haven’t written you in a while, I know it’s been since Christmas since I’ve sent you a letter. It’s been pretty busy here at the university, midterms are around the corner and I have been getting straight B’s so far. I forgot to tell you, but I got a B- average last term and I am so very happy about that! This term I’m hoping to get a B average, but we’ll see. Things have been doing well, I went to my first party, I hated it, and don’t think I’ll go to another anytime soon, but I went. So that was interesting. Still working at my lovely heaven of a coffee shop and I have become good friends with one of the older ladies that works there. It ends up Lola belongs to her but she isn’t allowed pets in her apartment. My new lady friend has been off work a lot lately because of Lola, my little cat isn’t doing so well turning 12 in less than a year. I hope both of them do alright, but there is lots of love and support for both and we as an employee family has all agreed to help pay for Lola’s more expensive vet bills. Still, I’m not sure if she’s going to make it. Only a couple months, no less until I can finally give you a real hug, hugging pieces of paper is not only uncomfortable but just flat out weird. Lol! That means laugh out loud, weird right? My cello friend is learning about fancy acronyms with some of her orchestra buddies. I know you guys just got a phone, and I almost have enough to pay for the cool new flip phones, it’s going to be amazing to hear from you again!
Talk soon!
Love,
Copper D.W.
I’m coming home in less than I week! I am so excited to see you again! I know we’ve been really catching up since I got that new flip phone but I just wanted to send you one more letter before I go. Everything seems to have worked out for the best here. I got my B average, I still go to bed at 9:30 and avoid parties, but the people that I spend time with really are like another family! I’ve made enough money to pay for next year’s tuition and a plane ticket for you to come up and celebrate Christmas with us because I know it will be tough since dad died, but Lola will be with him so he won’t be lonely. We all got my lady friend a kitten a couple weeks after Lola died, and she was able to retire to a lovely home where she and Looly get to live together. My 2 great friends and I have already chosen and decided to rent together, and we get to rent the room above my little coffee shop, where I was guaranteed a job when I come back next year. I am looking forward to seeing you and hugging you again, I have so much to talk to you about, can’t wait!
See you soon!
Love,
Copper D.W.
Xoxoxo

I Know

I Can Hear You

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“I Can Hear You.” by Copper D.W

“I find it interesting, you know?” I looked at Ally and she just shook her head.

“Well, it almost seems that I know what you know and what I know you don’t…”

Ally just shook her head again and signed I still don’t understand.

I sighed. I knew I had to explain more, but I hated talking, and I hadn’t yet mastered American sign Language. Most people thought I couldn’t speak either.

“Ok, Ally it’s just like… sometimes I know what you’re thinking” She gave me a confused face. Like by reading body language? She signed to me. “No… umm, not really. It’s kind of like… I can read your thoughts…” Ally just looked at me blankly. “You know I hate it when you do that.” Ok, then what am I thinking now?

“I can’t just turn it on and off like that,” I tried to explain, “it’s kind of like when there is something important to say, I just know what you’re thinking.”

Do you realize that my facial expressions are more dynamic because I can’t talk right? “I know,” I said. “Ok, umm remember the yesterday? We were at a party?”

Yes, I remember, I was there, it was yesterday and that is the sole reason why we are stuck here right now. “Yeah… well, I was in the washroom and I heard you yell.”

Yell? Umm, Gerami I’m pretty sure you’re aware of this, but just to point it out but I don’t talk let alone yell. “I know, umm, it’s kind of complicated to explain.”

Well, we have time Ally signed gesturing to the room we were locked in. “Yeah, sorry about that” I muttered.

There was a moment of awkward silence and I started to look at my bruised hands only to realize that Ally was signing me again. “Oh sorry,” I said as I looked to see what she was signing. How did you know I was yelling? She signed. Well at least yelling in my mind? “I don’t know… it’s weird isn’t it?”

She stopped to collect her thoughts. Well, at least you intervened at the right time, even though you still had toilet paper in your pants. She laughed her cute silent laugh. “Ha Ha, I know, and even the stupid drunk dude pointed it out” Ally just looked up at me and smiled. Can you hear anyone else? she asked. “No just you, it’s kind of funny.”

She smiled. Well, I’m glad you could hear me kick that weirdo off of me. Thank you, she signed again. I smiled “It’s cool, you would have done the same.”

Looking around she got up and edged closer to me being a good foot from my face. This was normal, at least for me, she would do this to everyone, especially when she was little, and she would study their faces. I remember that everyone thought she was trying to kiss them, but she just wanted to see their faces clearly. She normally would just look at my face, examine whatever she does here and there. She stepped back and started to laugh again.

“What?” I said somewhat concerned. She started laughing harder “What?” I said again this time more agitated. She kept lauding for a solid 30 seconds and then finally composed herself enough to sign.

I already know! I just looked at her confused “you know what?” She was finally composed enough to sign a full sentence to me.

I can read your thoughts too, bucko! I’ve been reading your thoughts since we met! I just sat there shocked.

“Ok stop joking that isn’t nice.” No, I’m serious, think of something and I’ll tell you. “Umm ok.” I started to try to think of something really hard, something that she wouldn’t know but I kept thinking about how hungry I was and thinking about Ally’s mom’s pizza.

Pizza, my mom’s in particular. She smiled.

“Ok that doesn’t count, you know I think of pizza when I’m hungry. Ok, tell me something that you heard me say that I never said before.”

“Ok, you’re asking for it” I heard her say. “I just heard you!” I shouted. I heard you again. I know Ally said biting her lip trying not to laugh.

You have a secret Justin Trudeau shrine in your secret stash of pickles in your old tree house that you accidentally built when you thought that houses were not safe on the ground. I only vaguely heard what she said because I was still caught up on that she knew I heard her. “What do you mean you know that I heard you?”

I said starting to freak. Well, I kind of-“Wait how did you know about my shrine? And my Pickles? And my phobia!!!??”

Ally wiped the smile off her face and she grabbed my hand to try to come me down. “It’s ok, it’s ok” I heard her say. “What is going on!” I yelled.

She gave me a hug and I started to calm down. When I finally did calm down she let me go and signed Are you ok? I nodded, “yeah sorry, just a panic attack.”

She smiled at me It’s okay, I’ll explain. She then started to explain to me that ever since she was a young child, she has been always able to read other people’s thoughts. It was kind of a gift and a curse combined. She said that for some reason the closer she gets to someone the more her own thoughts start to be heard by other people. Like the passage from my thoughts to hers, for example, becomes a dual road. You really can only hear my thoughts when I think something urgently or something important right? I nodded. Well, it’s because of the, umm… let’s say filter that I use so you can’t hear my thoughts is momentarily forgotten because I’m panicking about something, so it’s normally the closest person that I am with, that for some reason are connected, they can hear me. It’s weird, I know.”  she sighed looking down.

I just smiled, though. “It’s not weird, it’s pretty cool.” Ally smiled Ok now that you know you got to keep it a secret.

“You can tell me in my head if you want,” I smiled “I enjoy hearing your voice.” She just smiled and looked down blushing. Then we heard a click. And then a creak of the door opening and we saw the red haired police officer talking into her phone

“Ok we are done talking with your fellow drunk friends, everything’s under control now, you are now free to leave.” And with that Ally and I got up and went out the door. I was already out the door before I realized Ally wasn’t directly behind me “Gerami!” I heard her say frightened, I turned around just with enough time to see the police officer holding Ally behind her and with a red painted fingernail pointing at what looked to be some kind of secret camera screen.

I was only able to think; They were watching us before a second policeman scooped me up and threw me into the backseat of his police car, and as we drove away all I could see the house door close and hear Ally’s panic begin.

Just a Slip

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‘Just a Slip’ by; Copper D.W.

“I was in a pretty bad mood that day. I just missed my bus and I was frigid cold with the merciless wind that continued to whip across my already numb face. I was done with school, done with friends, just done with everything. My girlfriend just dumped me, and I was now shuffling home, trying not to slip on the slick icy pavement, which in my opinion was in much need of a sand or salt job.

I attempted to punch something but chickened out last minute because last time I broke some of my fingers.

‘Stupid brick wall’ I muttered to myself while trying to figure out why the damn girl dumped me. She wasn’t even all that great, she didn’t even look too pretty, but I was forced to go out with her because apparently she was some angel of a girl, who just happened to be Christian and was perfect according to my father.

I was really mad. Really pissed too, but I didn’t know why. I guess I was just mad at the world for feeling emotions.

‘Don’t cry I tell myself’ as a quickly wipe the hot tears off my cheeks. Crying just made me angry and I tried to quicken my pace past some bundled up dude waiting for the bus. He seemed to glance up at me. His eyes familiar and cold. Sitting there. Judging me. I couldn’t bare it anymore. I started to run, but I didn’t get very far.

I was only at a quick canter when I lost my footing on the under salted sidewalk and  slipped hard on the ice. All I really remember is a bone crushing thwack of my head hitting the frozen payment and a sense of pain shooting down my spine.

I was told that I wove in and out of consciousness until the ambulance arrived. That I was crying and yelling and muttering things that no man should ever say. They wouldn’t tell me what I said and I kept asking why, but they kept ignoring me saying there were much more important things to focus on, like my mental wellness, and physical prowess whatever that’s supposed to mean. After waking up in a white dress, in a white room, hooked up to a white machine while burning white fluorescent lighting continued to punch me in the eyes, I couldn’t help but start viciously swearing. Anyways I had to redeem my manhood and the white dress and then the female nurse who ran in was not helping my cause.

I was yelling and swearing so much that the nurse, who I later was told was actually an intern put some kind of sleeping sedative in my iv tube as a last resort. That shut me up, and I was dopey for the rest of that night.

My mom apparently came in to see me several times that night, while my dad refused to come at all. The only reason my mom was able to lure him inside, I was told was because he thought they were going to order take out and he wanted something to eat.

I’m not surprised, I guess hospital food is worth a trip from the car.

Either way that night was a blur and that’s all I remember, well was told and remembered and that’s all there is to say.” As I looked up I saw Dr. Frank writing something down on his ridiculously white paper and clipboard.

“Does everything have to be so white in here?” I mumbled. Dr. Frank just raised one of his eyebrows for a moment then continued writing.

“Alright, that is all William, we are done for today. “Wil,” I said. “You can call me Wil.” “Alright William you can leave now,” and me rolling my eyes wheeled myself out of the dump room. Half-way down the hall, I heard a snicker.

“Well congratulations ‘William’ you officially are the most idiotic kid around.” I internally sighed as I wheeled around to face the owner of that voice. My father. “You know you could be nicer to someone who almost got paralyzed,” I said coldly.

My father just shrugged. “You’d be better to me paralyzed than in a stinking wheelchair with tons of medications and exercises we have to follow.” I stared at him, anger starting to swell up in my throat. I opened my mouth to make some kind of witty remark, but my father just kept on going. “You know what ‘William’? I thought the worst part was that Tiffany, that angel of a girl dumped you. We both knew that she was way out of your league.”

“Ok, she was no angel of a”-. “The worst thing is not even that you were crying like a baby. And you know you were. Crying like a baby because an angel dumped a cow.”

“I was not cry-” but he just smirked and kept going, while my blood was starting to boil. “The worst thing out of all those dumb ass things you did two nights ago was none of that other dumb shit that you did further proving to me you’re even less of a man is that a girl had to save your sorry butt from a little slip on the ice.”

I had enough. “It was no little slip! I’m in a damn wheelchair!” I yelled, blood boiling. My father seemed to like this reaction and just ignored me and continued to talk. I started to wheel myself down the hall I had enough.

“You know what that stupid girl saved your life and you know the best part?” I was trying not to listen, I was just trying to focus on getting out of this hallway. “She wouldn’t even damn tell anyone what you were muttering about when you were practically dead!” And with that, I was gone. I was finally able to get out of that hallway and into the elevator where my room was 11 floors up.

Once the doors closed I just sat there. Up all the 11 floors up. Angry, upset, pissed and just so emotionally and physically drained that all I could do was think.

Think about how dumb the elevator music was but mostly about what my father said and who this girl was.