Reality is you

A Porcelain Smile

“A Porcelain Smile.” by; Sonja P. (a.k.a. Copper D.W.)

 

Perfect.

The edges, smooth and clean.

The colour, white and pure.

And shape polished and finished.

With crimson lips, a smile gleams, lighting up the darkness from miles away.

 

Contagious.

A laugh, hearty and full.

A voice, optimistic and positive.

A love, calm and forgiving.

With a single nod of head, the joy spreads like a disease, passing onwards through the people.

 

Lies.

A mask, perfect in all hardships.

A mood, hiding all sorrow.

A smile, faux and broken.

With love comes lies, and as I falter my mask becomes impeccable, immune to the emotions plaguing me.

 

Sorrow.

A mask, perfect in all hardships.

A mood, hiding all sorrow.

A smile, faux and broken.

You’d hope someone would see through your facade, but no one can see through the mask.

No one can see through the mask.

No one can see behind your porcelain smile.

Golden Silence

Returning Ashes

 

When a phoenix is reborn, the ashes are left to crumble, but sometimes the winds of change have other plans.

It is the beginning of a new school year and I have moved out and am now living on campus. I am simultaneously excited and nervous for the move and the preceding events that follow such a big (and expensive) decision. Still however what never seems to fail, is the uncanny reflection of yours story. In addition to this recollection, two things, (amongst many others) seem to happen and become apparent  when you are thrown propelled into a new environment.

1) You meet new people.

2) You meet old people.

Ok, so you might be nodding your head in agreement for the first one and then suddenly stop and give me that confused look on the second one. No, I do not mean you will be introduced to the elderly, however, it is possible but not necessarily what I meant. What I mean by the second point is that old friends, enemies, acquaintances, let’s just say people, seem to come back into your life uninvited, in both positive and negative ways.

I have found that when moving forward, some choose to glance behind to see what they have accomplished (or are yet to accomplish) while others choose to barrel forward without looking back. Neither way is right nor wrong, however sometimes, well I suppose quite often, when life move forwards, people come back. This may be a generalized conclusion, but hear me out. Have you ever just gotten into a new and better relationship and then your ex comes back, asking for forgiveness? In theory, this kind of event seems to happen a lot. Offered a new job, old one wants to rehire you? Family you have always never got along with and never really contacted, started to send you emails, or phone calls? It can even be a positive thing. Like you worked part time over the summer at a corporation and then had to leave because you were moving away, only to get called years later by a fellow co-worker or boss that wants to hire you?

For some reason, I find that, in a sense life tests us, saying “You think that’s great, what about this?!” or “Let’s throw a curve ball at you and bring up back of the mind, forever ignored emotions and memories!” It is interesting the way that this seems to happen, and yet is appears to be that in every new faced situation, some form of this theory is shown and either exploited or beneficially used.

Life is interesting in a way in which, in times when it seems you have taken two step forwards, in reality, you have also taken one step back. When baggage that you wish not to remember revisits your present time, it may be time to reconsider your thoughts about the pattern you may be creating for yourself. For I firmly believe that things happen for a reason, and take this tidbit or leave it, but sometimes, when the old ashes of you past, brush upon your face in the present, the ashes may rekindle and set a blaze in the future.

Think Wisely,

Act Positively,

Live Freely,

And never forget your past which you had hoped to forgotten.

Sincerely,

Sonja P. (a.k.a. Copper D.W.)

My Own Fantasies

I Can’t and I’ll Try

‘I Can’t and I’ll Try’ by; Sonja P. aka Copper D.W.

Ok, you so like him, you know you do-

Stop, don’t listen,

Thought you know how to

No don’t give in, to something greater than you

You can’t so you won’t so just let it be.

 

I’m not in denial,

I know it’s true, but I can’t and I won’t try to be with you

And as far as I’ll care you’ll never know,

As I battle in my head to not tell and not show

I’m in on my own, and I’d have it no other way,

For this is to real to be.

 

I think I’ve been fighting myself for so long,

To a point where I question if I’m actually wrong

Cuz if you believe yourself of your own little lies

Well, it has been working for years, though I have really tried.

 

Either way, on however wording I say

it isn’t set in the stars, and I’d have it no other way

So if no one knows, and if you never find out

I’m sorry for lying.

 

It’s not that I don’t care, for I care quite a lot

It’s not that I don’t like you, for heaven’s it’s not.

But I’m not going to risk something I treasure to the core

To have it replaced, by something, something no more

 

I really do like you but like a cold winters sigh,

I realize that I’m not the girl with your eye,

And as the mist disappears from your foggy breath of discern,

I’ll try to move on with little concern.

 

Still, all in all, I wish it really could be,

Yet I’m still too afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve,

But as I attempt to derail the cage in my mind,

I realize all in all you will never be mine.

 

That all I know, not where to go but he will never be mine

Trail of Fire